You and me

 I wish to hug you so badly,

To remain tight in that embrace

To freeze in that moment forever 

That feeling,that warmth,

It lights up my heart,a spark of love

A glow in the darkened corners

Years fly,moments never fade

Memories etched to me,

As soft as your breath 

Longing grows at the thought of your voice

Quiet, familiar, impossible to let go

Like a cold breeze on a sunny day

Silence fills me up

With echoes of the past

Though distance do us apart 

Dreams flash of a times now distant 

Somewhere in a never-go land

There is still a you and me

Emotions...in and around..

Life is a playhouse of emotions!!Very strange how your emotions digs deep through your heart uncovering a treasure or leaving a big hole in your heart.Lost to yourself in the battle of love and relationships.Its a big realisation to me this day that the more you love...the more intense you become..The more intense you become you become ..the more the love you get back or very often the pain you get back out of it ...I would explain to you the pain part of love which is what I experience every day of my life lately...All these shouldn't make you conclude that I have a boyfriend and either he has ditched me or he is not soo bothered...Neither of these..Life can play with us in other ways also..So it was wisely written by the "Anonymous" that "Variety is the spice of life"..It's with the people whom I loved the most..my dearest friends..where they my friends or my kids..It was a infinitely large bucket of love that I stored up for them.It was all the happiness, the sharing, the concern and the tiny bits of understanding that let you feel, you have something to stick on for..


I started this post a long time back and it has remained a long time in my drafts..Months have passed..Today I have regained a long lost inspiration to finish this post. Dont know why!!Life had gained a new dimension with the life in Chennai but this life has also lost its charm and glory..Like my history teacher in school always used to say, "Everything has a time of glory and once its reaches its zenith of glory,it slowly climbs down the peak to fall to the bottom"..Is that is what is happening to me now?I have lost those millions of happy hours which was in store for me. I am alone,lonely and lost..I feel..

But is that a little spark of light in my life again..unable to realise..Is it for the happy feat or the things which I not so like to think?Do I just move again into that inner depths and layers of trust..Breaking past through the crust, into the inner cores of a long formed relationship...It all just began in a day when I woke up from my ever terrorizing journey in a train..As I have never explained to you, train journeys forms another corner of the dark loneliness which eats my heart. The day when I didnt even a place in the train until when one of those sweet souls who share the profit from the same owner whom I do, offered a corner of her no soo spacious berth. Talking about trains diverts my mind and
more when I share a seat with someone..I cant help to say its a little part of heart we share..Its a bond unbreakable we form..Coming back to where I was..It was after one of these train journeys that something usual happened in a very unusual way in life...It was then that I had a realisation which was not often..But I hit back my intuitions quoting this happens every time. But there soo many strange coincidences in this case which pulled me to surety that everything will turn out to that vicious circle which I am well aware of.

But the facebook request the next day, a little surprised me ...A little is a bit purposeful because I have done it before because I had a huge lot of things to convince before it sank deep..But then the days had passed and I never had to say a word..The surprise factor was the message ..What did that message contain..As you bet it was only a "hi" ..It was my response to that "hi", i felt, which changed things..But I also had to give a "hi" immediately back because I had a lot of things to convince........

This story continues...........

Reflections on a seemingly long three years of my life!!!!!!!Lessons of love,life and lonliness hand in hand.The first day to my life in Chennai was much easier for me

Shades of Life

This works out faster than the rest, the magical therapy, intutions and illusions.It has got something to do with the face of the moon.The face milky white,the face very round and the face with some rudegness which brings in the appearance of a beautiful angel with the brilliance of a million diomands looking down rather staring on earthlings with a face soo kind n handsome.Describing a fairy itself seems noble,an elated experience. It started long back in my childhood days, this love for fairies. How many fairy tales i read!But still the craving remain fresh in my heart.I was walking along the empty pavements of the busy roads. Not a man in sight. Life seemed to be a blurred memory like a vanishing script of how and why relationships grow and fade into an emptiness which is held in the darkest corners of our heart. The longitudes and latitudes of relationships like a magic land which appears at the swish of a fairy's wand n slowly fade on to some infinity like those which appears in some lonely dreams.The scarcity of warmth and tenderness hidden in those blankets of ego never to be felt unless u feel to unwind the need for it. Years of saga by the poetic rishis of the historic India.The ages they spend in solitude in the lonely caves of the Himalayan valleys. The peace, the calm they experienced but yet the element of society,the prime element of relationships. The tense and texture of relationships change n challenge a new born relationship or a yet to be born one. Understanding beyond the limits of the sky!!!!!!!Yet there merges that vacuum in the bonds with the tenderness of a tying twine. There underlies hundreds of nuances to the silences in friendship.The golden presence can be daring, deafening, defeating or even dumping us to the deepest corners of this ruthless world. Love can become a bondage binding you from all the sides cutting through the edges making deep bruises, unable to cry. Life is just a cricket match of the emotions. We are all puppets in the hands of our emotions. When happiness strikes really high sorrow will catch it and sent the joy back to the pavilion and begins its play. When you really want to cry your eyes out, tears wont come out as if eyes have become dry and you could never make a cry. Yet there is a beauty in life which is so unpredictable. Expecting the unexpected is always the thrill of life. The intuitions,emotions and bliss of solitude are the crackers of our life which make our life colorful. Hope something may change our lives and that life be colorful and bright to light a whole huge world in darkness.

Lost Solitude

This chennai evening was much like the others.The same old dusty roads.The very same hot breeze blew across my face making me feel as if inside a heated oven. The rhythms of monotony dancing along the pavements. Life was caged in iron bars with a little space to breathe. The only masti was in chatting n teasing n running about the pavements with my friends. Friends when i say is five.It is the four and my brother.Paata,corby,chuchu,raghu , popeye n my brother imroze(cannot miss out roby.. ).Let me tell you about all .Paata, the cutest,chubbiest n livliest thing in our group.She is short n she is lovely. She has a cuckoo voice which pulls everyone. Have you ever known paata means dustbin?(She would kill me for this.) Corby,the mistake master. She is tall,fair,filled with a lot o sense. She has those lovely wide eyes n one cute smile.I cant still understand how she tackle all the things.Chuchu the kid, the most innocent.She is dark but beautiful. I cant help envying her.Her black eyes,the naturally curved eyebrows n her long hair(never to forget),she is simply a beauty.But one thing she should do is to hold her temper.Raghu,the short fatty guy. Understanding him is difficult. One thing i can say he is a big secondary storage.But not to forget he is the most gracious person eating everthing we cook.Popeye, it is a recent arrival imported from kolkata. He is a stick eats much but never seen.He laughs loud.He always speaks of technologies n revolutions ,the knowledge bank of our group.Talking about my brother he is simply superb.He is always there for me.We had a new friend with us the pappa-boy, i call him. He is a fair,hefty guy who speaks less, almost nothing which puts him out of place.
We had walked out of our air-conditioned tall glass-cased building to the burning truths of real life. We started walking slowly towards the moon. The starry nights which i lost long ago. The walk was the only pleasant thing in a day .The monotony of life was spraining my skull.The realisation of lost self was pricking my heart. Solitude was creeping back up to me . It was then the scent of a long sold dream beat past me. I couldnt stop my wings fly to the heights of an eagle's flight. Its where i realised the presence of more souls at the same height. It takes much to understanding. It costs much to trust. It is the sweetest to understand n realise the moment that u trust. It was at one of those intimate moments u feel lik hugging thos of whom u lov the most. Reaching the big compound gates i can see one of the sweet souls turning invisible but its still hanging around somewhere like a ghost in the darkness. Walking still the only thing i could hear was the roaring vehicles along the road. In between i could hear the laughs of popeye. I suddenly woke up from my realisations when i heard the screeching sound of brakes. An auto had upturned.People were shouting and crowding even though it was a daily sight for the city folks. I was shocked by the sight. People were being pulled out one by one but in such ease that u feel they had been doing it everyday and finally the auto to stand.I was pulled along the sight by paata who herself got carried. Walking back o my realisations,it was this day that i saw a new gleam in an old face. I could see the face at the same height for the first time. Sailing there alone none to glance. From then we joined n formed the trio,the terrible trio because its always silence which talks the best.As we reach the signal the only thought so energising is the fight with the auto wallas n finally charge towards our destination. Nights at chennai are seemingly long but always had the goodness of sleep.